The Case of the Lost Soulprint

1200px-paul_gauguin_-_d'ou_venons-nous
“Where do we come from? What are we? Where are we going?” by Paul Gauguin (Image credit wikipedia)

Eyes bound, I trip on the stony paths of my iterating Story;

Slip on its dicey grounds and drop down to my knees;

Your soft hands lift me and dust off the grime;

Dressing my wounds I hear You say;

Endure this you must;

Don’t be stuck at being a stifled sidekick;

Silence those sour gloomy thoughts;

Rupture the cords of stale memories;

Clip those wings of old wishes that matter no more;

Bury the grief of old love;

Understand the reason behind my “Never shall be”;

Let the death of another past be the cause for the birth of another Sunup;

Chin up my Child, your baritone prodded,

Come, Let’s keep walking…

Yours arms hold me close, as we walk side by side;

The growing warmth of your voice evaporates the wall of reluctance between us;

You think it’s alright to sometimes hide; But I Know All;

Please let go and weep now dear, let your tears wash away the Plague;

Of being a Secondhand Purchase;

Of the relentless curse of Failures;

Quit being trampled by Misfortune;

Stop saying Sorry for Destiny’s mistakes;

You were brave enough to keep trying your Best;

But now it’s time to leave this Planet of Inertia;

And Search together, for a place you must reach sooner than later;

I impel you to find the Unknown; I insist you cover Unseen Distances;

Before the dusk of too-late befalls on you;

Chin up my Child, your baritone prodded,

Come, Let’s Keep Walking…

I hear you sing a familiar Melody;

Remember only Promises to keep; Forget Promises unkept;

Remember only Dreams to fulfill; Overlook Dreams, old and broken;

Hang out some Tears to dry; Hold back some Tears to cry,

Close your eyes and tell me your Wishes; Wishes unmet I have erased;

Chop off ties with rotting Criticism;

Sever bonds of Fatal Attraction to never ending Expectations;

Don’t ruminate over what’s Lost, It’s worthless;

You aren’t a lowly unpaid deckhand no more;

So go walk by that lake again and cast away the last grains of your mirror that reflects only broken mirages;

It’s time you find the Master Key to all the locks that bind you in shackles;

You know you are lucky, don’t you? Not everyone lives such a Daring Life;

Do Thank all those Benevolent Memories that cared to stop by your Board for a game of Chess;

Chin up my Child, your baritone prodded,

Come, Let’s Keep Walking…

You unbind my eyes to a blinding sunrise of Newness galore;

Dew drops of fresh Time and a White rain of Cleansing Dharma drench me;

I turn back to see you wave a wand and my dazed Past, now Empty, smiles at me and fades away;

You are no more a Lifeless Puppet;

Stop Acting in Fate’s Eccentric Productions, my Moppet;

Quit being a Nobody in Somebody’s world;

Be a Queen in your own;

Your merry Future, in the nude waits to be Written afresh;

Go catch that flight of New Hopes;

And tune in to New Voices and Harmonies;

Sleep on the bed of Velveteen New Wishes;

Don’t hold your Horses, let them race on the lawn of Dreams;

And don’t forget to make some place in the picture frames;

For New Friends and Family too;

Chin up and Smile my Child, your baritone prodded;

My Ceaseless Eyes hold the pulse of Eternal Creation;

Follow the footprints running all the way to your Paradise;

Your Future is forever in the here and now;

Though not all are meant to utter an I Do too;

But Love you must, my child; Unconditionally, All that embraces you;

Moments are all that matter; some last long, some die young;

Some sting of pain, some sing paeans of love;

Come; let me warm your ice cold heart;

And make your opaque senses transparent;

Let me tighten the reins of your sledge for a new expedition;

A roller coaster ride to be clothed in riotous colours and hand crafted with memories;

A Future beyond futures awaits you;

With moments upon moments layered with the blessings of the Holy Trinity;

No time to stop and stare; Are you ready now?

Look up my Child, your baritone prodded,

Let go of my Hand now;

Time to walk into a New Life;

Don’t forget to look Within;

Learn to Break the Cocoon of Karma and Fly out before it Ends;

Remember! We are never Apart;

Find Myself in Yourself;

No more You, No more I;

We are ONE;

I AM YOU and YOU ARE ME.

Flashback:

At the age of 15, I found my Life’s Calling. Or so I thought.

I always had a thing for Art and Design. But by the time I had thwarted some of the challenges thrown by Life and got to Fashion School, I was already 21.

When I made the list by topping the entrance test; with the arrogance that comes with youth, I gaily proclaimed to everyone who cared to listen that I had DONE it! I Had Arrived!

The very first Art class threw this grand notion of mine right out of the window!

I was shown a painting by the French Artist Paul Gauguin “Where do we come from? What are we? Where are we going?” and asked to discuss my take on it. In detail. I was stumped!

A couple of classes went by involving discussions and debates on it. Everyone had their say. But the imprint it left on me that day lingered on for many years to come. Still does.

That painting threw up a persistent question ‘Who Am I?’ which gnawed me, prodded me and ate me up from the inside out.

As life progressed the question became a raging fire making me go round and round in circles unable to make its head or tail.

How do you answer a question that is so broad and yet so narrow in its girth and perspective, all at the same time?

As I aged, 3 of the most important of my Life’s Challenges came to pass.

Love, Choice of Career and my Business Venture.

Each choice, I believed was THE ONE exclusively destined for me.

And in each one, I failed Spectacularly!

Each failure followed with a suicide attempt. And yes, I was equally spectacular in their failures too!

Each time when I assumed my end was near; to my surprise I stopped myself from going the distance. Something always did not feel right.

Unexpectedly, the same question stood in front of me and urgently demanded an answer every time. The quest to find that elusive answer led me to abort the attempts. At the last minute.

The question cleverly disguised itself.

First time as a song, just when I was ready to jump off the ledge.

Second time I hallucinated just when I was about to cut my veins. A child named Maqtoob called out to me asking me not to quit. Maqtoob incidentally was the name I had chosen as the name of the label for my Clothing line!

The last time as a blind man. It was about 10pm and I was lost in thoughts figuring out a way to somehow succeed the third time. The last bus home was waiting to leave. Except for me and a few drunkards there was hardly anyone around at the bus bay. I was too zoned out to care! Suddenly out of nowhere came this man. He asked me about the same bus that was about to leave in a minute. He held his hand and asked me to come with him. Just when I was about to slap and shove him away for soliciting, I saw his red and white stick. He was BLIND! He was simply asking for my help with guiding him to the bus. He asked me to hurry up and we actually ended up walking into the bus hand in hand. He smiled a smile worth millions and quietly went his way.

At the very moment when I was clueless and unanchored, a blind man gave me directions to find meaning in Life.

The quest to find purpose in Life then led me to reading a mountain of books on Spirituality.

It took me on unfamiliar roads. Made me visit Temples, Mosques, Dargahs, Gurudwaras, Churches and Monastaries.

Then followed another mountain of books on Religions and Scripture.

But the answer eluded me.

Then I delved deep into Yoga and Meditation.

Then the mystery of the crazy puzzle slowly unfolded.

The Mat is where the clues to finding the answer finally revealed themselves. Its where I simply let myself BE STILL!

The Mat is where I found the TRUTH. Some of the Biggest Life Lessons came from paying attention to the smallest of details in everyday life.

Its often said by the Wise,that if you listen carefully with rapt attention, you will listen Nature vibrating with your frequency and the answers to the BEYOND just come to you. All that it asks is To Be Still…and Listen!

All that relentless seeking and travelling brought me to the one place closest to me. The one place I didn’t dare to look.

Myself.

My Life’s exact purpose still eludes me.

The Wait has been long. And I know Patience is a virtue.

But now I also know where to look for the answer. And I will keep looking.

The only place to seek now is within. The only place to be now is within. The answer is and always will be within.

Behind the scenes:

This poem is in the making for the longest time.

Its 16 years since that question was first posed to me. I have seen much highs and much lows during the interim time.

And it led to 3 poems written at different phases of life namely: “God and Me”, “Time…It is time” and “I Quit”. Today’s work is where these 3 poems come together as One.

This poem is a culmination of a lifetime’s quest spent in seeking the All Important Question. I have lost my path midway, strayed for a couple of years during the most trying of times and I even cut all ties with my personal God for a while.

Providential circumstances put me back on the path and my renewed search then led me to this humble and profound understanding that all roads lead you to the same place.

It is what the Scriptures say. It is what every book I have read on Spirituality says. In my humble opinion I think every Religion’s Core Essence also says the same thing this poem tries to convey.

The All Pervading. The Nameless. The Core of the Universe. The Omnipresent. The Omniscient.

Or simply God.

Call IT by any name. IT would always answer you.

And IT is as much out there as IT is within you.

Disclaimer: The opinion here is mine alone written from my experiences. It comes from my understanding of whatever I have come across in my small world and seen in people belonging to different faith and read in various books written on different Faith, Religion and Scripture. It’s just a tiny drop in a mighty ocean. So I could be entirely wrong. On the off chance, I could just as equally be right.

24 thoughts on “The Case of the Lost Soulprint

  1. thank you so, so, much for sharing this. Honestly, I really needed to hear this tonight. I loved the repetition in the first part, and I’m grateful you shared the backstory as I have a guilty pleasure of understanding the story behind great writing. I look forward to reading more of your work, following. P.S. I’ve also found somewhat of a salvation with meditation and Yoga.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Welcome to my world and Thank you so much Magdalena!! I am humbled to now I could help you in whatever small way I could.

      Everything I write stems from an experience so all my writings have a story attached to them. I think you might enjoy reading me. Thank you for the follow!

      And isn’t it great to know we share in common the awesome benefits of Yoga and Meditation!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t ruminate.. That’s a good one. Am loving the rhyme puppet to moppet… There’s alot of beautiful style in the entire post and if I was to quote all of them I would be repeating nearly the entire post here. Let me get to the message. I believe you are very right in all you’ve said. Just like my blogs tagline says. The journey we should travel is within ourselves. Our purpose and the why of our existence is a puzzle that has given me long silent moments that have never really had a concrete answer but just as you said it, the job is to walk through the maze of our soul and reach a sense of enlightenment of some sort. The idea is to block out the noise of the past, the echoed of our fears and doubt and just embrace the silence in search of the Godhead.
    It’s interesting how you can be able to keep your poems all those years and be able to merge them to pass message that can make tremendous meaning to your readers. The only question is, is there a destination in the journey within?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Why would you think there isn’t one? To me that is the final destination. Maybe the only one the matters…even if there wasnt one, that journey in itself would make living worthwhile.

      Thank you for reading this one. It’s a really LONG one! And one that bounces off the head of most sane people!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh Lalitha… I don’t know what to say to you. You always seem to show a mirror to me. It feels you and I are both perturbed by similar thoughts. This confusion, this search for purpose, yoga, meditation. I see myself in you, yet you are so different, and unique. So deep. So honest. I wish you all the happiness you seek. You stirred me with this piece. I’m still trembling inside. Take care of yourself dear. You are precious.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sandy…I read this early in the morning and honest to God you left me in tears. My yoga mat is witness!

      I have NEVER had anyone say those words ever to me. All my life I have never had anyone who has had similar experiences as mine. Specially as regards to yoga and meditation. So when I share my experiences I rarely feel like I’m understood. I always felt like I’m unable to make the right connection. And this includes my partner too. So you saying you see yourself in me left me overwhelmed. I felt like my arrow finally hit bulls-eye.

      Thank YOU so MUCH. It took me all day to collect my thoughts and put my feelings in words. Phew!!!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. And thank you for reading this piece which is very close to my heart. The least read but one of my best. I’m grateful you checked in and made that connection. And thank you. For every single word up there. You have no idea how much they mean to me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I sent you a reply but apparently that never went through. Anyways, I agree it is one of your best posts. And I have saved it for future. There is no way one could appreciate the depth and beauty of it in just one read. I just wish I could give all my time in the morning to yoga and meditation, but then I wouldn’t have a minute for reading and writing. But some day, I’m going to that 60 day Vipassana camp and will never again do anything else in the mornings. It has become a need. I used to brush aside the idea as too esoteric for me once. But I had always felt strong towards spirituality. I speak the language of heart. Hard to miss it. Difficult not to connect. And even more difficult is not to express all this in comments. 😀 Keep writing.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You saved it for a future read? WOW! Thank you Sandy ☺️

        60 day camp? REALLY? That’s….err…I don’t know…BRAVE I guess! I have been blessed with only a 10 day camp until now. I could never get around to go another time…I have had my share of troubles with Vipassana which I ll talk about in a mail. Maybe you can help… I think it’s our strong connect to spirituality that made us find each other in WP and bond the way we do.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Sure Lalita. But I must tell me I’m not particularly a fan of Vipassana either. It’s just that it was the first I understood how exactly to meditate. And it did work that first time, way more than I had expected. I was ready to run by the fourth day, but in the end I wanted to stay more. If ever, I get introduced to another way that’s more effective to my being, I’ll happily switch. But for now that’s all there is for me, and I enjoy it. Though, I had to reduce the time I was devoting to it. But it’s the ultimate way, I am sure, meditation. I am happy I know it.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s